it's been a long time since i last posted. sorry.
it's thanksgiving weekend and i'm excited to go make brownies for dessert for the big, awesome family dinner that we will have later tonight. four o'clock is a little early, i think, but there's nothing i can do about it. but, you know, my mother does have the turkey... ;)
as always when this time of year comes around, i find myself pondering what i am thankful for. this year, i can think of this:
--freedom of speech (otherwise i wouldn't have three running blogs--Confessions of a Pretty Belle, Downpour of the Heart's Outpour and my tumblr, aperfectlygoodheart--, a facebook and a goodreads)
--love of all degrees (my friends, family and that certain person that has no clue.)
--open minds (it's come to my attention that people don't like to accept things because they are uncomfortable with them. for those of you who are fine with these never-ending changes in life, good for you.)
--good books (currently reading Generation Dead: Kiss of Life. i'd like to take this opportunity and say that if you haven't read it, you should. if you have, you should read and subscribe to: www.mysocalledundeath.blogspot.com because it's pretty cool.)
--music (i'm always grateful for this one.)
What are you grateful for?
Random Point of Interest: I really wanna go make those brownies and i wish someone would RP with me NOW. :)
Song of the Moment: Great In All the Earth by Starfield
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Sunday, September 5, 2010
a new day has come
so i've been meaning to do another post for a while now. here it is:
so, school started this past wednesday and normally, i'd be excited or maybe just treat it like another year, but this is different. this is my SENIOR YEAR. wow. and guess what? i'm scared as hell.
you know how they normally give you a few days to let the feeling of school sink back in? well, not this year. i have a spare first period so i didn't worry about that at all. walking into biology 30, however, is a different story. it's been three school days and i have now learned about the anterior and posterior of the pituitary gland (which i now have to do some more research on for a project that is due in the next week or so), the hypothalmus, adrenal cortex, thyroid (studied in bio 20) and the parathyroid plus other things i have managed to forget and already need to review.
in english 30, we had a fifty minute introduction session complete with paper questionnaires. we then watched a short film, ("Our Time Is Up") and discussed the paper (two paragraphs--that's all she asked for--that ended up to be at least a page--because in grade twelve, things are a lot more 'deep') we were to write the following day.
the only class that was filled with introductory-type things the entire class was photography 1. i ended up quitting the class because it was no use to me. i now have a spare in that period, too, so now i just go home or to the library. (lulz. i sound so boring.) so, yeah, senior year is going to be a breeze. NOT. there's also an entire other semester to get through.
On the better side of things, i'm joining the yearbook committee and the grad committee (why not? it IS my grad! that being said, does anyone know a cool slogan for Grad 2011?). i need extracurriculars to shove onto my resume and who knows? it could be fun!
so, school started this past wednesday and normally, i'd be excited or maybe just treat it like another year, but this is different. this is my SENIOR YEAR. wow. and guess what? i'm scared as hell.
you know how they normally give you a few days to let the feeling of school sink back in? well, not this year. i have a spare first period so i didn't worry about that at all. walking into biology 30, however, is a different story. it's been three school days and i have now learned about the anterior and posterior of the pituitary gland (which i now have to do some more research on for a project that is due in the next week or so), the hypothalmus, adrenal cortex, thyroid (studied in bio 20) and the parathyroid plus other things i have managed to forget and already need to review.
in english 30, we had a fifty minute introduction session complete with paper questionnaires. we then watched a short film, ("Our Time Is Up") and discussed the paper (two paragraphs--that's all she asked for--that ended up to be at least a page--because in grade twelve, things are a lot more 'deep') we were to write the following day.
the only class that was filled with introductory-type things the entire class was photography 1. i ended up quitting the class because it was no use to me. i now have a spare in that period, too, so now i just go home or to the library. (lulz. i sound so boring.) so, yeah, senior year is going to be a breeze. NOT. there's also an entire other semester to get through.
On the better side of things, i'm joining the yearbook committee and the grad committee (why not? it IS my grad! that being said, does anyone know a cool slogan for Grad 2011?). i need extracurriculars to shove onto my resume and who knows? it could be fun!
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
tell me how to win your heart, for i haven't got a clue
lately i've been freaking about being alone and whining because i didn't like it. i wasted time and energy doing something no one cared to listen to. why? i don't know. because recently i've begun to want something else: i want to be alone. i want to hide, to not have to face the world or the coming of another day.
in your head, you're probably going, 'what the hell, girl? isn't this exactly what you didn't want?'
yes, you'd be correct in that assumption. but i don't understand it either. because it's more than just 'getting used to it'. it's so much more. i'm comfortable in my own head. sure, sometimes it's scary and doesn't make and sense, but it's mine.
my fear now? i'm afraid i might like it too much, this being alone and being in my corner. i'm afraid of reverting back to my old self from tenth grade. remember that, A.P.? i used to sit at the cafeteria table with a few people and H.H. used to try to talk to me, but my ipod was up too high or my book was in my face. or sometimes i just straight-out ignored her. but then she'd say something like: 'where do you go when you do that?' (referring to when i used to stare out the window and get lost in thought) and i'd look up, snapped put of my reverie and i'd respond angrily: 'i don't know! i just don't know!' i'd lash out and she'd jump slightly, not expecting the outburst. i thought my tone would imply that i wanted to be alone, but at the end of the hour she'd have her arms open for a hug and i'd leave her embracing air as i walked quickly to my Spanish 20 class. you were there, too. i remember doing it to you, too. you'd chase after me, up the stairs and to the door, sometimes surprised at my speed. you'd crush me in an unwanted hug and my arms would wrap around you limply, just to get it over with. i'd walk into class and Mr. M would look at me questioningly (if he was there; you have no idea how happy i was when he wasn't) and i'd try to give him a smile as i made my way to my desk with my friends. then, just like that, i'd switch gears. i'd be happy me and push sad me into the closet. why? because this war had nothing to do with them. this war was me and against myself, but somehow the two of you got caught in the fire.
i don't want that to happen again. this is my senior year and i want to live it. so i'm going to work for it soon. i'd say i'd start now, but the truth is, i can't just switch gears like i used to. i'm going to need a few days and hopefully, i'll be okay by then.
Song of the Moment: What About Me by Emily Osment
Random Point of Interest: it feels so damn good to write this down.
What About Me?
in your head, you're probably going, 'what the hell, girl? isn't this exactly what you didn't want?'
yes, you'd be correct in that assumption. but i don't understand it either. because it's more than just 'getting used to it'. it's so much more. i'm comfortable in my own head. sure, sometimes it's scary and doesn't make and sense, but it's mine.
my fear now? i'm afraid i might like it too much, this being alone and being in my corner. i'm afraid of reverting back to my old self from tenth grade. remember that, A.P.? i used to sit at the cafeteria table with a few people and H.H. used to try to talk to me, but my ipod was up too high or my book was in my face. or sometimes i just straight-out ignored her. but then she'd say something like: 'where do you go when you do that?' (referring to when i used to stare out the window and get lost in thought) and i'd look up, snapped put of my reverie and i'd respond angrily: 'i don't know! i just don't know!' i'd lash out and she'd jump slightly, not expecting the outburst. i thought my tone would imply that i wanted to be alone, but at the end of the hour she'd have her arms open for a hug and i'd leave her embracing air as i walked quickly to my Spanish 20 class. you were there, too. i remember doing it to you, too. you'd chase after me, up the stairs and to the door, sometimes surprised at my speed. you'd crush me in an unwanted hug and my arms would wrap around you limply, just to get it over with. i'd walk into class and Mr. M would look at me questioningly (if he was there; you have no idea how happy i was when he wasn't) and i'd try to give him a smile as i made my way to my desk with my friends. then, just like that, i'd switch gears. i'd be happy me and push sad me into the closet. why? because this war had nothing to do with them. this war was me and against myself, but somehow the two of you got caught in the fire.
i don't want that to happen again. this is my senior year and i want to live it. so i'm going to work for it soon. i'd say i'd start now, but the truth is, i can't just switch gears like i used to. i'm going to need a few days and hopefully, i'll be okay by then.
Song of the Moment: What About Me by Emily Osment
Random Point of Interest: it feels so damn good to write this down.
What About Me?
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
i was always your little girl (i'm not a baby)
you know what they don't understand? they want us to grow strong and independent, which is good, right? what they don't understand is that it's easier said than done. they want us to end up like them or better. no one said life was easy. i know that sounds so cliché, but it's the truth.
what i don't understand is this:
my mama and papa taught me pretty much everything to survive. i could live on my own and have almost no problem, thanks to them. at the age of sixteen, that's pretty good. but this is where i get confused: i know how to care for myself so why do they feel the need to baby me on the smaller deets? like, when i should shower or go to bed or get up in the morning (currently seven A.M.) or even when i'm trying to be a normal teen (i.e: watching too much tv and such... I had to get caught up on my Glee and Vampire Diaries somehow... ;) )), suddenly i'm not so perfect anymore and they see this as an excuse to get angry. did i miss something? since when was this plausible???
on another note, i'm still feeling terribly lonely. like, actually. no joke. it's actually really sad. everyone's off having fun, carrying on with their own lives and me? i'm living the same day-to-day routine. but what do i do about it? thoughts, anyone?
Random Point of Interest: It is 10:17 and I am off to bed.
Song of the Moment: Papa Don't Preach by Madonna (Glee version posted below)
Papa Don't Preach (Glee)
what i don't understand is this:
my mama and papa taught me pretty much everything to survive. i could live on my own and have almost no problem, thanks to them. at the age of sixteen, that's pretty good. but this is where i get confused: i know how to care for myself so why do they feel the need to baby me on the smaller deets? like, when i should shower or go to bed or get up in the morning (currently seven A.M.) or even when i'm trying to be a normal teen (i.e: watching too much tv and such... I had to get caught up on my Glee and Vampire Diaries somehow... ;) )), suddenly i'm not so perfect anymore and they see this as an excuse to get angry. did i miss something? since when was this plausible???
on another note, i'm still feeling terribly lonely. like, actually. no joke. it's actually really sad. everyone's off having fun, carrying on with their own lives and me? i'm living the same day-to-day routine. but what do i do about it? thoughts, anyone?
Random Point of Interest: It is 10:17 and I am off to bed.
Song of the Moment: Papa Don't Preach by Madonna (Glee version posted below)
Papa Don't Preach (Glee)
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
friend or foe?
Writing is freedom. It lets you say what needs to be said without your throat closing up. Writing is also your worst enemy. It can be used as written evidence against you and send you into a downward spiral of darkness. Writing is both friend and foe, but the result is ultimately up to you.
as the water slowly drifts
So, I'm feeling particularly suckish right now. No, I don't have the energy to cry anymore but y'know, it still sucks. What sucks, you ask? Well, there's the fact that summer is half-over and I have not done anything memorable. Sure, there were cool little moments (two days ago at the park, July 17th at K.B.'s place and July 7th at mine). THREE DAYS.
This leads me to the fact that I believe myself to be jealous of my particularly out-going friends. They have lives, unlike me. Besides those awesome days mentioned above, my pathetic days have consisted of chores, cooking and reading. Reality is so much better in books. Even when it's the twisted stuff by VC Andrews because there's always a happy ending.
Speaking of cooking, I'm really not liking it anymore. Because it's taking so much energy. Energy I'm not willing to give if no one wants it. But at least my dad isn't like Abuelo. Not that it's a huge difference, based off of Mami's stories. Pero, sabes que? It'd be nice if people didn't just want me around (when they wanted me around) para cocinar. To cook. It's like, they don't want me around for who I am, but for what I do.
Yeah, I'm kinna pissed now, if you can tell. Which is where the random Spanish is coming from. The waters drifting away from me and I'm being dragged into the sand. (See, N.O.? Our little metaphor has a bitter edge. Just like everything else in this world.)
And the topic that probably comes up on every girl's blog: boys. In my case, the lack thereof. I mean, there's plenty of them. They're just hiding, I guess. But the time will come, I guess. Most of them are stupid, anyways. I mean, not like I've experienced anything, but from what I've seen, boys currently suck. X.C. (Swoon at Your Own Risk) does not exist in the real world, ladies! (I totally wish he did, though!) :(
Random Point of Interest: My forty-something neighbor is playing with a remote control car like a four year old.
Song of the Moment: Riot by 3 Days Grace
This leads me to the fact that I believe myself to be jealous of my particularly out-going friends. They have lives, unlike me. Besides those awesome days mentioned above, my pathetic days have consisted of chores, cooking and reading. Reality is so much better in books. Even when it's the twisted stuff by VC Andrews because there's always a happy ending.
Speaking of cooking, I'm really not liking it anymore. Because it's taking so much energy. Energy I'm not willing to give if no one wants it. But at least my dad isn't like Abuelo. Not that it's a huge difference, based off of Mami's stories. Pero, sabes que? It'd be nice if people didn't just want me around (when they wanted me around) para cocinar. To cook. It's like, they don't want me around for who I am, but for what I do.
Yeah, I'm kinna pissed now, if you can tell. Which is where the random Spanish is coming from. The waters drifting away from me and I'm being dragged into the sand. (See, N.O.? Our little metaphor has a bitter edge. Just like everything else in this world.)
And the topic that probably comes up on every girl's blog: boys. In my case, the lack thereof. I mean, there's plenty of them. They're just hiding, I guess. But the time will come, I guess. Most of them are stupid, anyways. I mean, not like I've experienced anything, but from what I've seen, boys currently suck. X.C. (Swoon at Your Own Risk) does not exist in the real world, ladies! (I totally wish he did, though!) :(
Random Point of Interest: My forty-something neighbor is playing with a remote control car like a four year old.
Song of the Moment: Riot by 3 Days Grace
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